The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
