I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had sex on a roof
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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