I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
