I faked an abortion last night.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
