p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
