I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
