One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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