ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
