hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The struggles of a small town man whore
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
