a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
