Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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