You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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