He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
