So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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