working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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