matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
