Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
then he tried to convert me to islam
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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