redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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