Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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