he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
