her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
