and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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