I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
