How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
