Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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