yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
