No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
