I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
