about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
