super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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