Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
