i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is Oprah even human
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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