There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
