so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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