I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
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she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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