He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
