I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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