I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
