I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
