Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
