yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
