Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
