summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
