So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
