I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
