my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
