My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
