I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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