it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
