Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
