Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That reminds me...we need to get swords
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
