She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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