At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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