yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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