fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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