I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
