Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
