Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
