When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
