I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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